Friday, August 10, 2007

Welcome to Melodrama 101

Warning: this post is pouty, noticeably devoid of perspective, and downright melodramatic. Aside from the first paragraph, it really lacks any meaningful content. In fact, just skip it and have a cup of coffee instead.

Thanks, guys. Everyone -- for being so supportive in the comments to my last post. I'm rooting for me, too. I'm keeping that goal in my sights. Bannish the WhatIfs! Onward to positive thoughts.

Okay, so the back. Only modest improvement since Wednesday. Last night found me up at 3 to take aspirin to help with the discomfort -- I'm hesitant to take anything more powerful. Can you imagine me on narcotics? Um, I'm already all over the place. I had high hopes for yesterday, since Wednesday was noticeably better than Tuesday, but it's was still aching away like a disgruntled aunt left alone on a bench at Target. Just. Not. Happy.

I totally agree with your suggestions -- I've been keeping the massage idea in my back pocket for financial reasons. It's taken a lot of wrangling to just save the money for gas and hotel for the trip, so an additional expense like that is hard. I made a deal with myself that I would make an appointment for a massage therapist for a sports massage (but clearly focusing on my upper back rather than a standard deep tissue) if things weren't improving by this afternoon. Ah, Stronger...yet another reason to live in Colorado! I would so be on your doorstep with zucchini bread and vouchers for years of babysitting if I were only on that side of the Mississippi!

Mighty M has helped when he can, but yesterday I took to moping around and eating horrendous food. Cake at 10:00 at night. I gave up gratuitous cake months ago, so it was a fiiiine example of emotional eating. I had mac and cheese at lunch. Me -- mac and cheese. I usually have a green salad with tuna and red peppers, and I found myself all pouty at the hot bar at our local Giant. Good grief, girlfriend.

All the time on my hands? Not a clue what to do with it. Except worry. I intellectually know that this is the smart way to heal, but my spirit is chomping at the bit to be let out to play. I see the calendar and know that I have such a short period of time to really make the most of fine tuning my legs and lungs before taper. I know that you can't gain any fitness during this time, but that's not what I want. I just don't want to LOSE any of the stuff I've got. And each day that goes by that I wake with continued pain, I feel like my body is a sieve and I'm dripping away my chances at finishing under cutoff.

How's that for dramatic.

I'll spare you the weight I lay on Mighty M at night. All about how I've worked so hard to prove I can do this and to have my own body betray me. And how I have so many people relying on me showing up and trying and feeling like my chances of finishing are getting smaller and smaller by day. And childlike rejection of the thesis that the journey is the destination and I've made the journey.

I'll spare you. Cause it goes on and on.

So I've become a pouty drama queen, too, throughout all of this. Sigh. I feel so Lifetime Special, all internal dialog and long stares out windows. Dra. Ma. It's getting old.

Tonight I'm going to try to jog for a little to see how it feels. Tomorrow I had a 100 mile bike scheduled that clearly won't be a good idea. But I am hoping that I can spin a little on the bike around town. If it starts hurting, I promise to stop right away. But I've gotta try something soon, right?

Ugh.

I'm such a crappy patient.

15 comments:

Cheaper Than Therapy said...

I'm sorry to hear you're not recovering as fast as you'd like. But remember you've got a giant base to work with, and you're not going to lose that anytime soon.

Also, don't forget that Meredith is an acupuncturist. She helped me heal up from my injured ankle last year; that might be worth a shot (um...no pun intended).

greyhound said...

Steady as she goes. Don't beat on yourself.

Spandex King said...

I'll keep ya in my prayers. You still have a month so things should be okay.

Erin said...

As "Cheaper Than Therapy" said, you do have a GIANT base to draw from. That doesn't go away in a week. I've been having to convince myself of that lately, too, and I know easier said than done, but it's true.

This does suck, so allow for some time to plan and revel in a good pity party...then take action: chiropractor (sometimes covered by insurance, so no extra $$$ investment), massage school (often offer discounted massages), or check with your insurance company (if you have it) and see if they'll cover a sports massage. Some will pay at least part. I feel for you, though...IM isn't cheap. Get better soon!

Flatman said...

I'm thinking 'bout you and hoping for the best.... :)

Brent Buckner said...

Healing thoughts!

Laurie said...

This is not a post for your readers and supporters to skip! This is when you need us to be here for you and we are! Be dramatic. Say how you feel. It feels good to vent. We will be here to urge you on.

You have a huge base built that will not be lost overnight. You have been doing a great job! Find a massage therapist. The money will be well spent. Or the rest of the money you've spent might be a waste. Just a thought. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

Tea said...

I agree with everyone else! You have months of training behind you. I'm sorry your back isn't getting better quicker, but now is the time when you call on your "tough" and do whatever you have to in order to get through it.

We believe in you, and you need to believe in you.

Kim said...

ummm mac and cheese sounds... cheesetastic right about now. cake? orgasmic. i ate both my afternoon snacks at one time, i was so hungry today.

oh, back to your post. so yes, take care of your body. as i was once told "treat your body like a rolls royce". so get a massage, you have deserved it. rest. you will be ready come IMMOO.

Duane said...

If you cannot afford the massage, I will pay for it! I mean it! You have my e-mail!

TriTurtL said...

Take care of your body, take care of the mental. The legs will move in a month when asked, they know what to do. For now, take care!!!!

I always wanted to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. I was telling someone just today how it'll never happen because I can't afford it. Then I paused, and realized how much money I've spent on IM. I quickly shut up and moved on to a new subject. Why don't Iron peeps tell aspiring Iron peeps how expensive the journey will be!?

LBTEPA said...

"this post is pouty, noticeably devoid of perspective, and downright melodramatic"
...you say that like it's a BAD THING!

Thanks so much for the supportive and thought-provoking comment too (hugs)

Amy said...

Many years ago, I was in a similar situation. I was at the height of training for an event that I was crazy in love with. I got injured. I pouted. Its normal. But, I good friend reminded me of the power of physical and mental rest. I turned the down time into something that was ok and I had one of the best races of my life - even without all the great training I had planned. This will sound crazy - but find a way to turn it around and enjoy it. Your body can always use a little rest.

mark said...

I just read your last post. I'm sorry to hear about your back. I've been a massage therapist for about 6 years. If you can describe the injury in detail, I may be able to give you some ideas of how you can treat it. I hope you feel better soon. My e-mail is tri2livemark@hotmail.com

Steve S. said...

Good luck out there........