Lunch Lady Blues

"Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes
And my breath reeks of tuna
And there's lots of black hairs coming out of my nose
In Lunchlady Land your dreams come true
Clouds made of carrots and peas
Mountains built of shepherds pie
And rivers made of macaroni and cheese
But don't forget to return your trays
And try to ignore my gum disease
No student can escape the magic of Lunchlady Land"

Adam Sandler gave me and my friends years and years of
pee-in-your-pants laughter over the stupidist of things.
I admit it. Slap the cuffs on me, I confess. His songs are addictive and his movies are infinitely quotable. In fact, there was an entire summer in college (Summer of 1994, to be precise) when quoting movies was our only form of dialog and Lunchlady Land was a constant refrain. It didn't matter to us that we were wandering the campus of an ivy league institution...fat maaaan in a
liiiiiitle cooaaaat yelled across the pristine campus lawns in no way, shape or form lost its humor on the trip. Still doesn't.

But "hoagies and grinders" aside, the topic of lunch has come up often for me. My coworkers and I winge often about the lack of good choices out there and how to pack a good lunch without (a) breaking the budget, and (b) making us cringe at the thought of eating it. We groan about the lack of variety and make faces at the prospect of frozen "cuisine," lean or not.

And I'm a cheapskate. A cheap, frugal, penny pinching, miserly, old coot who refuses to fork over the $9 for a Wawa sub and soy crisps every day. Have you ever done the math on that one?? Plus, the whole fitness/triathlon thing means that I need control, and lot of it -- over things like protein and carbs and frequency and portions.

A hungry, control-freak, cheapo.

Now, occasionally my daytime nutrition is dictated by how late I'm running in the morning or how tired I was the night before. Sometimes, I'm lucky to grab a yogurt drink, piece of fruit or breakfast bar on the way out. Othertimes, I wonder how I managed to pack in that last minute every single starch that wasn't nailed down in the kitchen.

But most of the time I get to it the night before. And sometimes, even, I get it right. Like today. And, just like those days you wear just the right outfit (if you care about those things)...you don't want to forget a winning combo. And maybe others (i.e., you crazy nuts who read this blog) may find some ideas there, too.

So, here's today's lunch.

• Turkey sandwich on rye toast (lots of turkey, a little mustard, and bunches of pickles)
• Yogurt (mmmmm)
• Apple
• Bag of raw green beans
• Bag of baby carrots
• handful of raw almonds, no salt
  
• 1/2 cup edamame, shelled with a dash of salad dressing on them

For some people (hi Dad!), that sounds worse than Abu Ghraib torture. For me, that sounds like a way good choice when doing up the lunches last night.