Monday, July 21, 2008

Waiting Game

It's been quite a week. In fact, I'm in awe that it's Monday again.

In the past seven days I got my hopes up and then had them dashed about a professional "opportunity." I forked out hundreds of dollars for a car I loved, only to find out that I would have to trade her in within days for a car I'm "eh" about, to avoid about $3,000 worth of additional repairs. I've changed my mind about the wedding dress...again. I realized how very, very long it takes to get to all those dreams and how much patience it takes to get there.

And now I'm walking around with a heavy heart. Managing disappointment isn't fun. I don't pitch a fit or scream for different answers, but I do get sad. Not angry or irrational or despondent.

Just sad. Plain ol' sad.

I'm sad right now. I was hoping for some things to work out. I've placed my emotions on the table for important, valuable things. I've been patient.

And it seems I need to remain patient.

And even for a card carrying grownup, it still can make me sad.

As a drinker, I could manage this right quick. Make it through the day, pull up at the dinner table with a balloon in which to drown your tears, and put some aspirin on the nightstand. It was easier that way. In a sense.

Now, I just get to sit here, knocking this emotion around like a pebble in my shoe. Wishing it turned out differently, seeing the positive side, digesting the result, and moving on.

It's easier this way, of course.

In a sense.

12 comments:

MAJ said...

I know what you mean in ways I can't begin to describe. I can cry for hours or just mope around for days wanting to cry. I used to turn to food. And then when I learned that I was doing that, I started turning to alcohol. And then when I learned I was doing that, I started shopping. Now I clean the house or watch a movie. Or walk the dog. Or both. But I'm not any good at dealing with it, and I still don't quite know how I ever will be.

Viv said...

Hang in there tough times bring brighter times they say and I hope it is true.

Trihardist said...

I know exactly what you mean. I've noticed, though, that exercise is its own drug. Last week, I was having some rough times with my parents (they don't want to accept a few things about me that aren't going away), and I noticed how easy it was to lose all of that in the hard effort of a cycling class.

And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

But it'll pass. It always passes.

RBR said...

Nah, it wasn't easier that way. In any sense. But I think you know that.

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Megan said...

As someone riddled with vices and poor decisions during emotional times, I can securely say that, while reaching for those vices seems easier in the moment, the resulting consequences are brutally painful. As I am learning, once you make sometihng an option, its near impossible not to chose it.

I am sure you are hearing tons of "things happen for a reason" because that's what always seems to make the most sense during times that, well, make no sense. But I personally do beleive this - that for every bad there comes a good. Maybe not immediatly, but down the road - it's not up to us to know what it is just yet. It's what the Higher Power is for, right? Those times when we try to control everything, but control nothing, and instead drive ourselves mad in the process?

I think one of the hardest things to deal with is when I feel like crap, but there's so many differnt things happening that "it's everything, but yet nothing." To this I say, one thing at a time. TOmorrow, or perhaps the next day, things won't feel so crappy.

Calyx Meredith said...

Knowing there's nothing to do but feel the feelings I used to work so freaking hard to avoid - sucks. It sucks bad. (But as you know - it doesn't suck as bad as paying the piper for avoidance.) I hope that things are feeling less stuck for you by the time you read this comment. Peace.

Erin said...

Hugs. Hope things are looking better today than they were yesterday...

Sarah said...

Hang in there girl. You have all of us out here as support!

LBTEPA said...

It's not easier, it's just different. Hang in there darl (((HUGS)))

TrainingtoTri said...

No sage advice, just send you a hug!

Steve Stenzel said...

Good luck with the car. And the dress...

Megan said...

just thinking about ya...thought i would leave a comment to let ya know....