What? Who...me?

That's pathetic.

My last post was like eleven days ago. And it wasn't even a FUNNY post. I've been giving you NOTHIN' recently, friends.

Nothin.

But, it's only because I've been pulled in seventy different directions from all the things I love (and hate) in the world. Lots of it has been good, some tiresome, and a shred (an important shred) barely tolerable.

BUT

I'm still in the midst of this joy.

So, in bulleted form, a summary:

• I rode my bike outside this weekend. Like for 4 hours. Somewhere around 57 miles and 3,700 feet of climbing. And it was good.

• I now have some basic bike handling skills. Seems riding a bike is exactly like riding a bike. Who knew?

• In mile, say, two during this epic ride, I managed to pinch a nerve in my forefinger of my left hand. Still have a bizarre pins and needles effect all the way up the finger. Don't worry, I still managed to waggle it at Might M more than once or four times this weekend.
  

• I've finally used my nifty little Profile aero bottle for my bars that I bought somewhere back in the 70s. Seems it helps to not cut the straw quite so short. Also seems it makes for a nice, refreshing shower every time you hit a bump. Good to know.

• If you've had that lovely shower of fruit punch flavored Accelerade for about 25 miles and choose to stop at the local Gas'n'Sip for some supplies, don't be surprised by the swarm of bees. It's your fault for coating yourself in crack before you got there.
  

• I'm a salty sweater. Gross if you know me. Grosser if you live with me and I make you touch it.
  

• I have a tiny little race coming up in a week and a half. It's a half ironman. Yeah, I know. 70 miles or something like that. It just occurred to me how freaking close it is. I panic on the inside.

• I have finally found the perfect pair of cycling shorts. And the perfect top. And in case I forget which ones they are when dressing in the morning, I can just line them up with the ridiculous tan lines I got last weekend. Also good to help position my Garmin on my wrist. In case I, you know, forget.

And here are the things that made it 110% necessary for me to blog the lazy man's way, through bullets.

• My fabulous job, at my fabulous nonprofit, is hosting its annual gala this weekend. The board of directors, me, and my crack team of... well, just me. Typically a three ring circus that makes oxygen deprivation days in the pool look like recess.
  

• Between now and next Tuesday -- in addition to hosting our big fundraiser -- I will write a grant request for $5,000. And another for $15,000. And, for kicks and giggles, a third for $20,000.

• If you didn't already know, writing that many grants in that period of time sucks monkey balls.

• I owe a race report for the local cycling club from a race that was over two weeks ago. That's a long time for a race report. I'm a total turd.

• Apparently "taper" in the real world is not like "taper" in my imaginary world. Seems I have to train this week, too. Bloody hell.

• Incidentally, training this week will be the only thing that gets me through the stress. That, a ton of Dunkin Donuts, and some sleeping pills.

Last year, I had heart palpitations and night terrors from this month of deadlines and responsibilities. So far, neither have crept in.

But it is, of course, only Monday.